the Distributed MST3K Annotation Project

Episode Information

Episode 706 thumbnail

706: Laserblast

A troubled teen finds an alien's weapon and takes revenge on those who taunted him.

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Quotes

00:00:00

Beginning of the episode

00:01:37

Opening Host Segment

00:02:04 (add an annotation)
Servo, as Mike is tied up on desk
Boy, I still think we really screwed up on that whole Thunderdome fiasco!
Crow
Oh come on, can't we just get Beyond Thunderdome?
Both
Ha ha, ha! Thank you.

Reference to the title of the movie Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

00:02:54

Introduction

00:04:51 (add an annotation)
Dr. Forrester
Uh, it's called "Laserblast," and Leonard Maltin gives it two-and-a-half stars.

Film critic Leonard Maltin (1950- ) indeed gave "Laserblast" a two-and-a-half star review (out of four stars). Incidentally, Maltin also made a guest appearance as himself in episode 909 of MST3K ("Gorgo").

00:04:57 (add an annotation)
Gypsy
Auxillary engines firing, we now have impulse power.
Servo, as Scotty
I took the governor off.
Crow, as Sulu
We have help captain.
Servo
Now entering earth's atmosphere. Hull temperature critical.
Mike
Do we have enough power to escape the atmosphere?
Servo
Ach, we won't have control, we'll be shot into deep space. I've got to have more time!
Mike
We don't have that time. Get ready to engage warp engines, Mr. Crow!
Crow
Aye-aye!
Mike
....engage.

Generic Star Trek references.

00:05:40

Start of movie

00:05:49 (add an annotation)
Servo
Ah, the Charlie Daniels Band is now the Charles Band.

The Charlie Daniels Band is a band that was most popular during the late 70's, early 80's, headed by none other than Charlie Daniels. Best known for their song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."

00:05:55 (add an annotation)
Crow, seeing the title "Laserblast"
Terrible name for laser eye surgery. Scares away the customers.
00:06:56 (add an annotation)
Mike, at the credit for "Harry Wolman"
I saw a Wolman drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's.

Parodies a phrase from Warren Zevon's 1978 song "Werewolves of London." Actual lyrics: "I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's."

00:07:49 (add an annotation)
Crow, as a guy walks across the desert
Fievel Goes West.

"An American Tail: Fievel Goes West" was the 1991 sequel to the 1986 animated film "An American Tail". The original movie is about a young Jewish-Russian mouse who emigrates to America with his family.

00:07:52 (add an annotation)
Servo, as a skinny dark-haird guy walks across the desert
Hm. Looks like Trent Reznor ran out of gas.

Trent Reznor is the founder and singer of the band Nine Inch Nails. The character in this scene looks similar to him.

00:08:03 (add an annotation)
Crow, in an annoyingly nasal voice
Roxy!

A reference to "Eegah", a 1962 sci-fi film about two teenyboppers who encounter a caveman living in the desert. The movie starred Arch Hall, Jr. and Richard Kiel and was featured in episode 506 of MST3K.

00:08:36 (add an annotation)
Crow
Norelco's plan for world domination.
Mike
Even its name spells Merry Christmas.

Reference to Norelco razor commercials in which santa rides an electric razor as if it were a jet. The "even its name spells Merry Christmas" line is apparently the tagline of the commercials.

00:09:47 (add an annotation)
Crow, as alien
I know what you're thinking. Did I fire six gorlocks or only five?

Reference to the move Dirty Harry.

00:09:55 (add an annotation)
Servo, after the blaster-toting guy is vaporized, leaving a ring-shaped object
*gasp* The key to the Amoco bathroom!

Amoco was an American oil/gasoline dealer. The company merged with British Petroleum (BP) in 1998.

00:13:16 (add an annotation)
Servo
This guy killed himself when the Edgar Winter Group broke up

Edgar Winter Group is a band from the early to mid 1970's, headed by Edgar Winter. Best known for their song 'Frankenstein', they only produced three albums before breaking up. The song in this scene sounds vaguely familiar of Edgar Winter.

00:14:23 (add an annotation)
Mike
Yukon Cornelius

Reference to the character Yukon Cornelius from the claymation TV special, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

00:15:21 (add an annotation)
Servo, as Kathy comes out of the house
Anna Nicole Smith and her husband.

In 1994, model Anna Nicole Smith (1967-2007) married 89-year-old billionaire and oil magnate J. Howard Marshall. Their marriage lasted until his death 14 months later, leading to speculation that Smith married him simply for his estate.

00:15:28 (add an annotation)
Mike
Old black water, keep on rollin’ Mississippi moon, won’t you keep on...

Lyrics from the song "Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers.

00:16:23 (add an annotation)
Mike, as heavy police officer
Look, are you ready for some FOOTBALL?!

Reference to the ABC Monday Night Football theme, sung by Hank Williams Jr., whom the deputy resembles.

00:16:59 (add an annotation)
Hank Williams, Jr. Look-a-like Deputy
Bill Duncan kid, huh? Well let's go get 'em.
Crow
Let's find out if he's READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
00:17:21 (add an annotation)
Servo
Ron Howard pops the clutch, signals, checks both ways, and proceeds gently into traffic, politely inviting people to eat his dust!

A variation of the tag-line from the 1976 movie Eat My Dust!, "Ron Howard pops the clutch, and tells the world..."EAT MY DUST!"

00:19:28 (add an annotation)
Mike
Dirty and Hairy.
00:19:45 (add an annotation)
Crow, as Billy's van is going down the road
Hi. I'm Max Keller.

An impression of Max Keller, the van-driving narrator/main character in the short-lived TV series "The Master" (later packaged into two short "movies" and riffed on MST3K in episodes 322 ("Master Ninja I") and 324 ("Master Ninja II")).

00:20:02 (add an annotation)
Crow
Hey, it's that gas station that Frank Lloyd Wright didn't design...

Frank Lloyd Wright (1867-1959) was a famous American architect and interior designer.

00:20:24 (add an annotation)
Servo, as Billy
I'm gonna drink the HELL outta this Coke.
Crow
Coca-Cola's gonna need a PR campaign just to undo the damage this scene is doing.
00:21:46 (add an annotation)
Mike
Steven Stills and Bill Gates

Stephen Stills (1945- ): American rock musician of the bands "Buffalo Springfield" and "Crosby, Stills & Nash (& Young)". Bill Gates (1955- ): founder of Microsoft Corporation... and, literally, the richest man in the world.

00:22:16

Host Segment 1

00:22:36 (add an annotation)
Cheaply Built Mysterious Robot
You are in error! I am not N.O.M.A.D. I am a similar design known as M.O.N.A.D. I should destroy you, but I'll give you a mulligan on that one.

This whole segment is a reference to the Star Trek episode entitled "The Changeling" in which the Enterprise encounters a probe called NOMAD originally from earth.

00:24:08 (add an annotation)
Servo, as main character
I really am just dust in the wind, man, they are so right.

Reference to the song "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas.

00:24:18 (add an annotation)
Mike, as main character
I'd like to call my horse with no name... but he doesn't have a name.

Another 70s music reference, this time the song "A Horse With no Name" by America.

00:25:25 (add an annotation)
Mike, as Billy, putting the blaster on his arm
A Daisy Red Ryder Repeating Rifle! Thanks, Dad!

An impression of the character Ralphie from the comedy movie "A Christmas Story". The film is about a young boy who wants to get a BB gun for Christmas (despite the repeated warnings from people that he'll "shoot his eye out").

00:25:34 (add an annotation)
Billy, mock-firing the blaster
Pa-pa-pow!
Servo
After all that, it's "pa-pa-pow".
Mike
Once you're over the age of eleven, you should not say "pow".
00:25:47 (add an annotation)
Servo
I think he's doing Frampton Comes Alive.

Reference to the 1976 Peter Frampton album, Peter Frampton Comes Alive, the biggest selling live album of all time.

00:25:57 (add an annotation)
Crow
Won't he be surprised when he finds out it doesn't go "pow" but "SWEESH!"
00:26:26 (add an annotation)
Crow
Do the apes know they're filming in the Forbidden Zone?

Reference to the movie Planet of the Apes, in which there is an area called the Forbidden Zone, which is set in a desert similar to this scene.

00:26:32 (add an annotation)
Servo
One of Mr. T's understated pieces.

Reference to Mr. T who, among other things, starred in A-Team and is famous for wearing excessive amounts of gold jewelry around his neck.

00:27:10 (add an annotation)
Mike
Moses!
Servo
Yes, Yahweh in a can. If you want to summon Yahweh, heh heh.

Reference to the Hebrew Bible in which Moses hears the voice of God from a burning bush. Yahweh is God's name in Hebrew.

00:27:46 (add an annotation)
Crow, as the camera passes behind a gas pump, casting a shadow of the cameraman
Ah, your film crew, ladies and gentlemen.
00:29:06 (add an annotation)
Crow
Get your motor running. Head out on the highway.

An reference to the lyircs of Steppenwolf's Born to be Wild, used as a common theme for bikers.

00:29:57 (add an annotation)
Servo
Well, I might as well pray to Ba'al while I'm here.

Likely a reference to the Hebrew bible in which Ba'al is a word meaning lord or master, but typically refers to a false god.

00:31:10 (add an annotation)
Kathy
Where've you been all morning? Not waking people up at the crack of dawn I hope.
Crow
Oh. That's where they found Tony Orlando.
00:32:12 (add an annotation)
Mike
Like when you crank 'Don't Fear the Reaper'

'(Don't Fear) The Reaper' is one of Blue Öyster Cult's best known songs, from their 1976 album 'Agents of Fortune'.

00:41:51

Host Segment 2

00:44:07 (add an annotation)
Servo
Love the one you're with, Love the one you're with

Another Stephen Stills reference, the song 'Love the One You're With' appeared on Stills' self-titled album, released in 1970.

00:47:04 (add an annotation)
Crow, as sheriff
I shot the me-o, but I didn't shoot the other guy.

Reference to the lyrics of 'I Shot the Sheriff', a song by Bob Marley & The Wailers, which first appeared on their 1973 album entitled Burnin'.

00:50:37 (add an annotation)
Mike, as doctor
Hmm... I was in a monkey suit, and suddenly I was in this movie.

The Doctor in this scene, played by Roddy McDowall, also starred previously in Planet of the Apes as Cornelius. He also played various other monkeys in most of the later Planet of the Apes sequels.

00:51:11 (add an annotation)
Servo
Operation
Crow
Remove wrenched ankle *bzzt*

Reference to the children's game, and possibly a commercial for, Operation.

00:54:13 (add an annotation)
Doctor
...I am afraid it will be after midnight.
Mike, as doctor
I would be letting it all hang down.

Reference to the lyrics of the song "After Midnight", originally written by JJ Cale, but popularized by Eric Clapton on his 1970 self-titled album. The actual lyrics are "After midnight, we’re gonna let it all hang down."

00:57:17 (add an annotation)
Mike, as investigator
What about the rights of that little girl?

The delivery of the investigator's line in this part comes off sounding a bit like Clint Eastwood in the movie Dirty Harry. Reference to a scene in which Eastwood is being reprimanded for infringing on the rights of a killer during an investigation.

01:02:36 (add an annotation)
Mike
David Bowie!

From this angle, the actor in the scene looks a bit like the singer/songwriter David Bowie.

01:03:22 (add an annotation)
Mike, as main character
Somebody stop me.

A line from the movie 'The Mask', starring Jim Carry. In this scene the character looks like The Mask.

01:06:31

Host Segment 3

01:07:06 (add an annotation)
Gypsy
Don't worry, Mike can help us! He's kinda smart, and his arms work, and everything!
01:07:53 (add an annotation)
Mike
I've realigned the Penrose Tubes and jettisoned a stream of Einsteinium through the Hawking Converter by reversing the Oppenheimer Effect and propelling us through the Asimov Space Curtain.

In this scene Mike is imitating Captain Janeway from the series 'Star Trek: Voyager'. Mike is speaking 'technobabble', mostly meaningless scientific sounding buzzwords often used in Star Trek. Most of his references are to famous scientists.

01:08:27 (add an annotation)
Mike
Sometimes I have to get a little rough. Yeah, that's the way I like it, rough. Because I never, ever, do anything nice and easy. Rollin', Rollin', Rollin on the river. I left a good job in the city....

Mike is making reference to the Tina Turner's version of the song Proud Mary, originally by John Fogerty of Credence Clearwater Revival, in which she sings similar lyrics.

01:11:23 (add an annotation)
Servo
Get round! Get round children, get loud! You can be proud, yeah. Be proud you're a rebel because the south's gonna to do it again.

Servo is (almost) singing the chorus of Charlie Daniel's song 'South's Gonna Do It Again', which sounds something like the song on the radio.

01:15:58 (add an annotation)
Servo, as a Cessna flies over the desert
Red Zone Cuba III: The destruction of Cherokee Jack.
01:18:20 (add an annotation)
Mike
Something touched me deep inside, the day Eddie Deezen died...

'Something touched me deep inside, The day the music died.' are lyrics from Don Mclean's 'American Pie'.

01:19:53 (add an annotation)
Crow, as van driver
We saw Anthrax last night, we got hammered and puked.

Antrhax is a band that was formed in the early 80's who helped define the sub-genre of Trash Metal.

01:22:25 (add an annotation)
Servo
It's raining porn! Hallelujah.

Small parody of the Weathergirls song "It's Raining Men".

01:22:36 (add an annotation)
Servo
Leave the Bronx! You are ordered to leave the Bronx!

Reference to previous episode, #0705: Escape 2000, where the authorities continually prod the citizens of the Bronx to vacate.

01:22:45 (add an annotation)
Crow
Mark Hamill in Falling Down

Mark Hamill is an actor, best known for his role as Luke in Star Wars. Falling Down is a movie in which a man becomes frustrated with the minutia of modern life and begins lashing out violently. Mark Hamill does not actually appear in it.

01:22:48 (add an annotation)
Mike
Ecuadorian bat boy found alive in cave.

Weekly World News is a tabloid that focuses on weird, ridiculous stories, including those of bat boy, a half human, half bat. The character in this scene resembles a famous front cover of WWN showing bat boy with a screaming face.

01:23:25 (add an annotation)
Crow, as Alien
Don't ever make fun of my ass again.
01:23:34 (add an annotation)
Mike
Killed by vapor action

Halls are a brand of throat drops that work by means of 'vapor action.' Their commercials usually feature colored wavy lines representing the 'vapor action'.

01:24:09 (add an annotation)
Mike, as girlfriend
We'll play REO Speedwagon at your funeral, Billy.
01:25:16 (add an annotation)
Mike
Oh, hey, "Seven Samurai." Two stars.
Crow
What?!
Mike
I'm kidding.
Servo
I hope so.

"Shichinin no Samurai" (Seven Samurai) is a classic 1954 Japanese film directed by Akira Kurosawa. Like many reviewers, Leonard Maltin gave the movie a perfect rating (four stars out of four).

01:27:14

End Segment

01:29:01 (add an annotation)
Servo
I hope I'm ready for this. I may only be 99 and 44/100 percent pure.
Mike
Well, that's probably good enough.

Ivory, a brand of bar soap produced by Procter & Gamble, has been advertised as being "99-44/100% pure."

01:32:11

Stinger