- Joel, Crow, and Servo, singing
- Look for the Union label, when you are dying.
- Servo, while Johnny & co. pile into aluminum capsules
- It keeps the hot side hot and the cold side cold!
- Joel
- How do it know?
- Servo
- She won't get far in those cheap pumps... feel like a sneaker, though.
- Joel
- Bad movie? You're soaking in it!
- Servo
- Wow! The Maiden-form woman. You'll never know where she'll turn up.
- Crow
- Toughskins.
- Servo
- Things I can do with my Spirograph!
- Mike
- These people saved with MCI.
- Crow
- Annette Funicello wore khakis.
- Mike
- By Mennen!
- Woman
- Everybody wants to know you, to be your pal.
- Crow, as Woman
- And nobody doesn't like Sara Lee!
- Servo
- Diarrhea is like a storm...
- Crow, a shot of eggs in a frying pan
- These are your chickens on drugs.
- Crow
- I'm working up a Rondo thirst.
- Crow
- Be on the look out for Rondo. He's slightly carbonated you can slam him
down fast.
- Servo, singing
- Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man...
- Crow
- Norelco's plan for world domination.
- Mike
- Even its name spells Merry Christmas.
- Mike, as heavy police officer
- Look, are you ready for some FOOTBALL?!
- Hank Williams, Jr. Look-a-like Deputy
- Bill Duncan kid, huh? Well let's go get 'em.
- Crow
- Let's find out if he's READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
- Mike
- Killed by vapor action
- Mike
- Crackle mourns the death of Pop.
- Crow, as camera pans over model
- HO scale Japan!
- Servo
- Japan, by Marx!
- Servo
- The Touch of Satan... softens hands while you do the dishes.
- Mike, as unbelievably sweaty farmer
- You know with Mitchum you can skip a week, did you know that?
- Mike, as a hospital patient is shown
- It's the right thing to do.
- Crow, as a Soultaker appears in a car window
- Do you have any Grey Poupon?
- Doc, narrating
- ...and the believability of the sightings along boggy creek are rated
very high...
- Crow
- ...by J.D. Power!
- Crow, as escaping monk
- Nice try, Joe Don! I'm off to make Xerox commercials!